Just a note to wish everyone reading a very Merry Christmas. I am now in Toronto with my family and, as I get on in years, I realize that it is probably the best place to be at this time of year.
I spent the two weeks before my departure from Trinidad working 7 days a week doing so many things my head was spinning simply in order to spend time with my parents. As it happened I arrived in T.O. in time for my birthday though at my age I just assume it is another step towards the great abyss. Frankly, given how much I love sleeping, the abyss might be just my cup of tea. As I may have mentioned before I don’t think if was hit by a bus and died I would go with many regrets. Perhaps I should have written a novel by now but otherwise I have accomplished the few things that I set out to accomplish in life.
As we head towards the end of another year ( and another birthday is under my belt) I am still annoyed that nobody told me that the hardest thing about living past forty is seeing your parents get older. I consider my Mum and Stepdad my parents and for the last few years I only get to see them during my annual vacation. They are both in their seventies now and whenever I come home I see them getting frailer and a bit more addled … yet still they behave as though I am a kid and want to pay for everything and keep asking if there is anything I need. Naturally, I don’t need anything and don’t take anything but I am usually so overwhelmed with the need to do things for them that I tend to overdo it. They now have a surround sound system that I know will be unused after I leave because it involves pushing two extra buttons. So while I am here I will cook for them and get them things that they need ranging from simple things like new drinking glasses to stuff they really don’t know they need but I think they do.
I gather the hardest thing in the world to bear is losing a child but to me outliving my parents would be a horror I cannot even contemplate. In my cheerier moments I think there might be some global cataclysm that would result in all of us going at the same time…such is my sick mind.
Still, right now I only have to deal with NOW and that is quite good. I have a great job, my folks are alive, I am applying to Harvard and Celine Dion hasn’t released any records lately. So, as the snow gently falls outside and I face a night of blissful quiet with no dogs barking and no music throbbing in the background ( damn you Trinidad that I have to come back to Toronto for peace and quiet) I am full of temporary contentment.
On that note – in terra pax homínibus bonae voluntátis