Archive for September 22nd, 2007

September 22, 2007

The lives of the Aints – Binky

My friends mean a lot to me and, while their lives have been full and well lived, I feel it is time to add my own fictionalized accounts of their lives. To wit – I present you Binky aka Vesh…aka Jason.

The rakish character we all know and love as Binky was actually born Binkel Firgenflop in the quiet village of Urgelpfeffer. It is said on the night he was born skies were partly cloudy with a low of 27 and 60% humidity. Though elfin in his appearance, Binky is, in fact, the product of the mixed marriage of the fair maiden elf Margot Tiddlewaddle and the village haberdasher Fergus Firgenflop. Though a tolerant village, Urgelpfeffer residents found the notion of marrying a haberdasher too much for their sensibilities and the couple with their swaddled infant were forced to move to the town of Eldorado in the foothills of the Northern Range of Trinidad.

It was in Eldorado that Binky flourished and developed many of his signature traits. His childhood days were spent making macrame plant holders, rearranging furniture, examining the pulmonary tolerances of local rodents and raising dust bunnies. School appealed to Binky’s natural curiosity and he excelled in Guyanese mythology, the history and culture of Benin and hairdressing. Many a lunch hour would see Binky sitting under a mango tree leading his classmates in a rousing chorus or two of “My manicou lies under the wood pile”. All was not rosy during this time, however, as Binks was found by school authorities to be complicit in what has now been labeled “the great guava cheese uprising” and was subject to disciplinary action. The first attempt at penalizing him by the use of physical force was met with shouts of “More! More! Bring it on!” and the authorities soon cottoned on that a more creative approach would be needed. He was eventually banished to the forest of Nizwop for a year and left to wander in solitude with nothing more than the clothes on his back, a small hamper of assorted cheeses, a copy of Cosmo and an outdated iPod loaded with early Britney. The indomitable Binky made the best of the situation and spent his days developing survival skills, working on his tan and making friends with the forest creatures – one of which he dated briefly.The skills he learned  during this trying period have served him well in his life and his ability to speak Quenk has saved his skin on more than one occasion.

Upon his return to Eldorado Binky elicited the help of Gibbous the Elder and set up the business he is now famous for – Binky’s School of Hand on the Hip Cake Design. Over the years he has frosted and marzipanned his way to the top of his field and has changed our society forever.

Today Binky is working on his forthcoming autobiography tentatively titled “Where did I put my comb? Dammit!” and plans a cross town tour to promote it. In his spare time he enjoys looking upwards, collecting fungus, hair gel, and making colourful splashes on the side of mid-sized Fords using nothing but his stomach contents.

We salute you Binky!

And Happy One Web Day to all !