Shiny Things

What a day. It started with the usual coffee and cigarettes and as I gradually regained consciousness it started to be filled with family drama. I don’t mind dealing with problems but when they have been going on for years, as is the case with my brother, my brain starts to shut down. I can only do so much and if after years of advice about his relationship he continues to put up with nonsense that would have had me using a few choice words and telling the other person to get the hell out of my house…then my sympathy evaporates. At that point it becomes co-dependency and the sickness and derangement applies to both parties, though not equally. I am amazed that I am the “normal” sibling…even my Mum now says she never expected that I would be the one she considers the sanest in the family. I may have my little dramas but I keep them away from my family and take measures to deal with them.

I had a bit of shopping to do so I ventured into downtown and the Eaton Centre. I now realize how much I hate crowds. Why is it that people tend to wander about aimlessly, stop suddenly while walking, turn for no reason whatsoever and hesitate while walking? It drives me to distraction. When I walk I know where I am going and I move like Alexander heading to war. Having to dodge rubes, mentally challenged people, suburbanites and tourists only raises my blood pressure. Am I the only person who plans a shopping trip with surgical precision ( no offense Kirby)? I found my attempt to get to Aldo Shoes ( how I love them), the Apple store, Buffalo ( by David Bitton), and Mexx stymied at every turn by fools who were apparently dosed with 20 mils of Valium.

At some point on the expedition I realized that the distorted world of the mall can cause the mind to switch into a strange mode of buying for gratification. Maybe it is the awful Canadian winters with their bleakness and grey vistas that makes indoor shopping so hypnotizing but I want you all to know I stoutly resisted. Even after playing with the iPod Touch in the Apple store and  surfing the net I did not plop down $329 for the pleasure. In Trinidad I only have WiFi at home and since I use my main computers there what really would be the point? Than being said I made sure to buy more memory for my Samsung D900 and I am not entirely convinced I do not need a new iPod Nano.

On the way home on the subway I looked at the people around me – all carefully not making eye contact – and i was reminded of my high school English teacher saying that North Americans were zombies following some strange predetermined path in their lives. He may have had a point. In Trinidad we look at each other, we talk, we ( so I hear) make dates and generally enjoy being human. In Toronto it is a rather different matter. I am not simply saying this because I was out on my own as I have been out with Trini friends in Toronto before and we noticed exactly the same thing. There are benefits to being in a polite society where things just work but right now I will pick my disorganized society where people talk about you and bad mouth you…but also care about you.

I am a bit depressed for several reasons. I haven’t made a dent in my shopping for friends and I will be missing several key friends when I return. Alvin and Binky are in London/Paris/Barcelona, and Omar is sailing in some crazy place in the Caribbean . Alvie and Binky have called checked on me a few times from London already and Omar has been extremely good and called me several times a day. Thankfully Robin, Peter 1, Naz, Peter II and Astrid will be in Trinidad when I return. I assume I will be immersed in work so maybe my ieTV family will distract me. I doubt it though…Muz and Binky and Omar are quite important in the great scheme of things.

Hopefully there will be no snow tomorrow and I can make a dent.



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