Archive for February 13th, 2008

February 13, 2008

The shape of things

I steeled myself all morning and after my one scheduled interview I donned appropriate attire and headed to the gym. I hate gyms and I resent every minute I have ever spent in one. Any thought that my mind might have changed today was quickly dispelled upon entering and seeing row upon row of torture devices lined up in all their shiny glory.

There are many reasons I hate the gym not the least of which is I am not body obsessed and never understood why so many people are. I go purely for my health and to counteract whatever years of smoking and eating rich foods might be doing to me. None of my close male friends would fall into the Adonis category and even the gay ones seem to be content with just keeping the poundage under control. Unfortunately for me, gyms are full of people who are obsessed with how they look and seem content to spend half their day lifting things and grunting in order to look like a Southampton dock worker. I assume they find it makes them look attractive but I frankly don’t see it as I usually believe there is an inverse relationship between brawn and brains.

To make matters worse I am of a slim build ( despite the fact that I am thinking of having Michelin stamped on my midriff) and having tried this before I know that after months and months of gym activity I will not look that different. My body has a set template and refuses to budge.  I am also not crazy about pain and all that “no pain, no gain” talk makes me rather queasy. I have had many an exchange with gym instructors informing them that it is my money and I will lift only what weight i damn well want to lift.

Today’s experience was typical and lasted ninety minutes. I walked for 40 minutes on the treadmill bored out of my mind as there wasn’t anyone even remotely interesting to look at and the TV monitor was on football. I used to read a book while on the treadmill but i was informed by an instructor that it was bad form and an indication that i was not “pushing myself” enough. Then I wandered about and used some of the machines that were not occupied by the few young and presumably unemployed members ( it was 3pm) or by idle instructors sitting and chatting to each other. That resulted in straining every muscle in my body by which point i felt moisture on my forehead. At first I thought I had struck myself and had a head wound but a closer examination revealed it was, in fact, a bead of sweat. I do not approve of sweat and my family has been assiduously avoiding any semblance of it for several generations so that was my signal to stop.

I shall go back tomorrow either before or after work to have them programme my exercise key but if anyone comes towards me with callipers  they had better prepare themselves for violence.

Actually, speaking of that, I weighed myself when I got there and I am 154lbs which is well within the range I have been for umpteen years. I suspect, however, the fat to muscle ratio may have changed a bit.

Managed to get quite a bit more of Fodor’s Curacao done tonight and tomorrow I have an interview with Capt. Gary Griffith who seems to be in the doghouse with the COP now despite making an abject apology on national television yesterday. The joys of politics.

Off to bed now. To sleep perchance to ache.