Archive for June, 2010

June 11, 2010

Crossroads

With this country experiencing such a major transformation it is hardly surprising that I find myself also at a point in my life when I find myself considering the prospect of change on a personal level.  Like so many people I manage to hold on to the status quo for a while and even manage to fall into a rut with alarming regularity but eventually some signal goes off saying that things need to change. This is where I find myself now.

I have been in the same profession ( writing and media) for over two decades so I doubt I can do much to change that but there are other aspects of my life that needs good jolt.  I have been living in the same country for a long time now and yet I have the ability to live anywhere in Europe or Canada.  I find myself lately pondering my odd decision to park my wagon in a place that lacks so many of the things I value. I get incredible joy from simple things like antique bookshops, alternative theatre, open air markets that aren’t a menagerie of flying insects, high streets where I can walk without fearing for my life and food stores that offer things that fascinate me. Perhaps it is time to ponder a change of location? But then the ugly spectre of age and radical change rears its ugly head. Thankfully, I have always been able to make decisions ignoring logic.

It might also be possible for me to change companies. I would never change Fodor’s because that is more of a pleasure for me than anything else but I have been at my other job longer than I have ever stayed at any job. The problem is that I really love the people I work with even though I think not having a weekend off ( not counting vacations) in four years is a bit of a bother. Maybe I just need to break from that aspect of media completely? I don’t have the answers right now but I know they will come as they always do.

There are probably other areas for change but they will reveal themselves in time.  I find flux to be both depressing and exciting. It is like that awful feeling you have when you are sitting amidst the packed boxes in your old home waiting to head to your new one. There is the sad feeling that your centre of stability is gone but there is also the hope that  there is a better world ahead.

We shall see.

June 2, 2010

In my dreams I’m dying all the time.

Photo courtesy C.S.

Time to return to blogging as our election season is now over and I will not be having to think twice about how much I bad mouth the  members of the previous government. I don’t have any party affiliation but I hold any government to account. I have criticized governments of  various parties in T&T and Canada over the years.  In a democracy governments have a duty to serve citizens and to do so with openness and honesty – anything else and they need to be criticized and voted out. All I can say is that this country voted to sweep arrogance from power and to install its first woman Prime Minister. How she and her government perform is yet to be determined but so far the signs have been good. We have seen the new PM wading through flood waters to talk to community members and her security being told to “open up the bubble” so that the media could have access to her. We’ll just have to wait and see what comes in the months ahead.

I will keep this entry short as I don’t want to set a precedent of longer entries but I was looking around my place this evening in the middle of a particularly emotional time and realized how life is really a construct of  the people that we love and care about. In my place my living room is a living memorial to the people I value most. I saw pictures given to me by friends, furniture that I chose with a friend, dracena fronds that I cut in the yard of a friend and portraits of family and friends. When I come home tired to my living room sanctuary from work it is to relax and think surrounded by memories of time spent with the people I love. I can only assume that others are in the same situation.

We humans are all different but there are some commonalities such as relationships that define us as a species. Lots of people cross our paths in a lifetime but some end up changing how we view the world, providing us with comfort and love and leave us immeasurably improved. Even someone as cynical, sarcastic and obnoxiously blunt as me can end up surrounded by people who are absolute gems.

I have never been afraid of death but I know that when the actual time comes  there are people who I will be thinking of and I will  know that I was a privileged person. I sometimes dream of dying and they are never frightening dreams. I guess that is the reason why.